Architecture of the SafeWithin® method

The SafeWithin® method is designed to empower individuals to support their own emotional well-being: build a loving relationship with themselves based on self-acceptance, freeing them from emotional dependence on others and enabling unconditional love.

In therapy, we feel safe enough to feel what it does to us to lead our lives as we do. A successful therapy session could be characterized by the following elements. We manage the let ourselves feel, without getting overwhelmed. The therapist provides support and holding to our experience and thus helps us to allow and accept it. We feel that the therapist does not judge us for feeling, wanting or thinking as we do, a generosity we hardly ever grant ourselves. The SafeWithin® method provides dedicated practices to help us grow these qualities.

A common barrier to emotional openness is the lack of a spiritual foundation to tolerate difficult feelings. Many fear that allowing themselves to feel grief, pain, or anger will lead to overwhelm. SafeWithin® addresses this by guiding us to separate emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations, working with each individually to make our experience more manageable.

Central to the method is the concept of the holding body— our capacity to give holding and support to our experience using specific parts of your body as anchors to remain present and avoid complete identification with any emotion. While the holding body is very tangible part of us, it is most empowered by spirituality. By spirituality here I mean a very broad range of practices: from a walk in nature and listening to music, to connecting to forces beyond us. The choice is yours.

SafeWithin® encourages us to treat our emotions as we would vulnerable children: with care, acceptance, and love. Mindfulness practices help us notice and name our feelings, thoughts, and sensations, forming our experiencing body. By oscillating between the holding and experiencing body, we acquire the ability to tolerate our emotions, and it becomes easier to accept them. In this way, we do not get swept away by them. We have a place to hold ourselves to. And this allows us to make room for our inner experiences, to let them be as they are.

It is our judgement that often disconnects us from ourselves and others, whether it’s blaming others for our feelings or criticizing ourselves for what we feel. SafeWithin® teaches us to create a safe space for our feelings, hold them with care, and reduce the impact of judgment. Mindfulness helps us observe judgment as a passing thought, while meditation shows us that we don’t have to act on it.

Yet, we will still be playing the blame game and disconnect with the other if we strongly believe that they are wrong for hurting us so badly, for letting us down. Therefore, taking full responsibility for our feelings is a cornerstone of the SafeWithin® method.  You will learn that it is our needs, wants, expectations and beliefs that determine our judgement, rather than the behaviour or words of the other. 

Together these skills allow us to develop a loving and supportive relationship with ourselves. It becomes safe to be with ourselves, with every bit of it. We grow safer within.

This is an absolute prerequisite to be able to completely divorce the other from the responsibility to take care of us. Eradicating emotional enslavement, we enable ourselves to truly love – ourselves and the other – and do that unconditionally. 

As we acquire the ability to hold our feelings with care, we start to use our pains and challenges as a guide to talents and capabilities we covered with doubt or outright denied ourselves. Our sensitivities and vulnerabilities hide our treasures. As we regain our colour, we shine brighter than ever, and just as we were meant to.

In the process of feeling our feelings in a constructive way that supports connection and healing, we acquire a lot of knowledge about ourselves. What triggers us, what beliefs we hold, where our deepest wounds lie. Most of this is product of our past and is physically wired into our brains. Nevertheless, with enough repetition we can make new associations that are stronger than the old habitual ones and thus change our perception. Modern neuroscience teaches us how we can orchestrate our perception and engineer our minds for the future that we desire. This means that we are way more powerful than you have ever imagined. And what happens in our heads is fully our responsibility.

Let’s grow safer together so we all thrive!